8 Things You Should NEVER Do After Getting Dumped

After decades of research I have come up with a list of the top 8 things you should NEVER do after a break-up. There are no exceptions to these rules. These are like the 10 commandments of Break-ups, granted there are only 8, but that’s due to getting rid of the 2 that were fluff.

-Drawing a black heart on your arm- Do you really need a physical reminder of your break-up or to have people ask you all the time what the deal is with the heart? No, you don’t. It is not healthy mentally or physically(ink poisoning).
-Build a shrine- Besides the fact it is extremely creepy. Actually I am blinded by the creepiness of it to the point where I don’t think anything else needs to be said.
-Flatten their tires-Really? Are you 13? There is an obvious reason why he/she dumped you and I am guessing it was a maturity issue.
-Crying to the ex- Calling the other person in tears, really just re-enforces that they made the right decision. You might think it is showing how hurt you are and how much you like them. They just see it as being annoying and wondering how long they have to listen before hanging up and it not being rude.
-The “Say Anything”- Standing outside someone’s window with a boom box while wearing a trench coat doesn’t work. It didn’t work in the movie; it is not going to work in real life. Sure it is a great romantic gesture, but maybe if you did something like that before you got dumped, you wouldn’t have gotten dumped?
- Contacting the ex’s mother- Never drag someone else’s family into a break-up, especially a messy one. Telling the ex’s mom that their son is a “no good cheater” or that their daughter is a “whore” is juvenile and petty. If you want to rip on them, you have your own family and friends to talk trash to, don’t become the psycho ex.
-Buy a Pig- That is just solid advice for anyone no matter their relationship status.
-Watch the Notebook with a Pint of Ice Cream- Yeah, I can look past the ice cream, but the Notebook? Really? Pick a better movie, maybe one with Will Smith or Matt Damon.

I know there are other things you shouldn’t do after getting dumped, but these are the major ones.

Acceptance Starts with Nudity

Here is a re-post of a blast from the past.

I think there needs to be some sort of acceptance for people that have nude photographs, not to be confused with porn or low budget porn. I am pretty sure at some point we have all been caught with our pants down and someone has gotten a picture. Things like this happen, sometimes on accident, others on purpose with friends, and some done by themselves in front of a mirror (the trick to getting the best picture is not to use a flash and do it in the morning). So why not make it acceptable and not an act of debauchery.

I am not talking about making watching porn at work acceptable, but not holding nude photos against someone. For example instead of ostracizing Vanessa Hudgens for having nude pictures leaked on the internet we should be ‘tar and feathering’ Ashley Tisdale and Zac Efron for not having nude pictures of themselves out there. Why fire the teacher for having racy photographs on her myspace page. Punish the 65 year old English teacher driving a Chrysler 300 for not being open minded enough to accept freedom of expression. Ok, maybe that’s a little extreme, but why not just treat the pictures as a form of modern art and consider the models artists, not Tramps.

I know what you are thinking, you are labeling me a liberal pervert, but hear me out. Think of some of the good this will do.

1-Prevents being blackmailed by ex’s with nude photos.
2-Helps get people more comfortable with their body, thus reducing eating disorders, raising self-confidence and self-esteem.
3-Eliminates the shame a lot of people have with being naked.
4-No need to come up with excuses or hide in humiliation if someone stabs you in the back and leaks your pics on the internet.
5- No more 11 o’clock news stories about obscene art.
6- Nudity will no longer be used for ‘shock’ value.

I am not backing filling the world with nudity, just being ok with the nudity that is meant to stay private, but occasionally gets out. I am not the reincarnation of Larry Flint, nor am I saying that we should have some sort of database where everyone uploads there photos or that people under the age of 18 should be trading nude pictures of each other like baseball cards (no one under the age of 18 should be allowed to have a digital camera, a camera phone or a webcam, that is almost like buying them a case of beer and lending them your car keys). The purpose is to reach a level of acceptance, open mindedness, and if possible become a less judgmental society. Then again maybe it’s only me that wants that. On a completely unrelated note, if you get an email from someone with my name in the title, open at your own risk.

Kevin Spacey Kills another Great Idea of Mine

In my heart of hearts I think there is something deeply romantic about writing in composition notebooks. Also may be a little high school-ish. Granted I am no longer allowed to write my thoughts down in composition notebooks for fear someone will stumble upon it and think I am the guy from se7en. Although, I have always wanted to fill one up from front to back, every line of every page and then leave it in a random public library with no name on it, with the last page being directions to pass it on to anyone or leave it in another public library. Why put all that hard work and thought into something just to let it go? I would like to compare it to an artist giving away a painting to a random stranger. You never know what will happen to it, but you can imagine and hope that it touches people deeply while it is on its journey.

How Does A Needle Get In A Haystack?

There is an age old expression, “it’s like trying to find a needle in a haystack.” This obviously refers to something that is on the edge of impossible. But the real question is who really lost a needle in a haystack. I believe this goes back to the days of America first becoming free from the tyrants in England. There was a young lady by the name of Bonnie Ross, who wanted to get into the spirit of America and its fight; she decided to make a flag for the country. Her husband at the time John Ross was not a fan of the idea, he knew his wife was very clumsy and lacked any hand eye coordination. So Bonnie was forced to steal a needle and some thread, and took to the barn loft to work on her flag in secret. A few days later and a lot of accidental finger pricks, she was just about to finish when she dropped the needle from the loft and into a haystack. Bonnie being very stubborn decided to look for it, instead of stealing a new one. She spent days going thru it, with no luck. She got so desperate that she called in her younger sister Elizabeth for help. Elizabeth was very clever and jealous of her sister; she decided to use this situation to seek revenge on the life that she wanted. So Elizabeth stole the flag and ran off to put the final touches on it. Bonnie was clueless, for she inherited her father’s stubbornness to never give up and kept searching. She searched night and day for 6 months, until one day her husband showed up hand in hand with Elizabeth. He informed Bonnie that he was leaving her, due to her sick obsession with this impossible and that her sister had won him over with the amazing flag she made. Bonnie lost it at that point, partly due to heartache, partly due to the insanity that came with painstakingly searching for a needle in the haystack. She ended up running off with an up and coming bank robber named Clyde. John would open up his own upholstery business with his new bride Elizabeth. Elizabeth, who preferred to go by Betsy, would go on to steal credit for creating the American Flag. TRUE STORY.

How to Avoid the Pitfalls of Being Unknown

The biggest issue about being unknown is the off chance that you become famous or popular. For once you are known, you are no longer unknown and lose all underground street cred and anonymousness, very quickly; just ask just about every indie band over the last decade. They went big and lost their identity and pretty much there soul. Staying unknown is not easy, especially if you are awesome and/or talented. It takes discipline and laziness. You can go the mile, just not the extra mile. It is a way of living your life to the full, just not the fullest. Don’t get me wrong there is nothing wrong with being famous or popular, but their lives are full of very high expectations and massive failure is always right around the corner. Example Lindsey Lohan. You can reach personal success and all your dreams while still being unknown.

I know what you’re thinking, “who in their right mind wouldn’t want to be known and have many leather bound books?” To my knowledge everyone has their own reason to not want to be the BIG DEAL, just as much as others have reasons to want to be THE BIG DEAL. In the end I think it all comes back to one’s own personal freedom. You can do so much more of what you want if you are not a role model to millions of kids and be judged a lot less harshly by not having to meet others extremely high expectations. Example Miley Cyrus. I respect everyone that actually attempts and tries to go after their dreams, but I lack respect to those that personally sell out to get there. Those that compromise to the point of losing sight of what they truly wanted to do and loved about what they were doing.

I should stress that I am not saying DON’T be a role model and that you should avoid any opportunity that you might fail. I think failure is a rite of passage and you learn more from failing then succeeding. I am trying to say that fame and popularity puts you under a certain microscope that gives people what they assume is there ‘rite’ to dissect you like a frog and judge away at your inner workings. Whereas the more unknown you are the less you get judged and the less ‘other voices’ you hear in your head pulling you around.

Food For Thought

I have many pet peeves, some just (people that text while driving) and some not so just (people that have never heard of the movie Labyrinth). People that take pictures of their food and then post it on Facebook or Twitter fall somewhere in between those two. What is the point of it? To show people what you are about to eat? To brag about how you made this fancy dish that any one who could read and follow directions could make? It makes no sense to me and bothers me. I don’t believe it is jealousy, for usually the stuff I see doesn’t look that great. I like to think the same people that take pictures of their food, are the same people that if they ever become a serial killer would take pictures of there victims before killing them. The more I ponder this, the more fired up I get. What is next? Are these same people going to start taking pictures of random pairs of shoes or flip flops that they are currently wearing? I now feel like I need to do something even more absurd to top these people and I know exactly what it is. I am going to start posting pictures of my favorite trees. That is right. TREES. Arbor Day COME EARLY.

A ‘Lifetime’ of Great Movies

It is no secret that I enjoy Lifetime movies and I am not ashamed to admit it. They are one of the greatest guilty pleasures in the world. Especially the ones from the 90’s, the new class of Lifetime movies from the 00’s just aren’t as good. After much deliberation I have come up with my top 5 all time favorite Lifetime movies.

AND YES, THEY ARE RANKED

1-No One Would Tell (1996)-Fred Savage (The Wonder Years) plays the abusive jock boyfriend of DJ from Full House. This movie has all the great elements of a LT movie, washed up actors, bad script, over acting, great 90’s fashion, drama and murder. No One Would Tell, was also the stepping stone for Fred Savage, to play more evil roles such as the Professor in Boy Meets World that tries to hook up with Topanga. NOT COOL, no one hooks up with Topanga except his brother Corry.
2- Her Last Chance (1996)- How could there be any list of top LT movies without having a Kellie Martin movie? That’s like having a list of the best basketball players all time and leaving Michael Jordan off of it. The movie is about a former drug addict (Kellie) just trying to make it in this cruel, cruel, unfair sober world and later getting accused of killing her douche bag boyfriend played by NONE OTHER THEN….WAIT FOR IT, the late great JONATHON BRANDIS of Sea Quest, Sidekicks and Lady Bugs fame. Her Last Chance also has by far the best soundtrack of any LT movie ever.
3- Not Our Son (1995)- Neil Patrick Harris (DOOGIE HOWSER!!!) plays an extremely creepy arsonist with really really really big glasses, whose family turns on him to get him caught. I believe it is based off a true story, so you will feel guilty about laughing thru the whole thing, well. Maybe you will.
4- Killing Mr. Griffin (1997)-What do you get when you combine a Pink Power Ranger, AC Slater and the blonde from Dawson’s Creek with some other no name talents from the 90’s into one movie? You get this little gem about students feed up with a mean teacher, who they, well, decide to kill, but the Pink Power Ranger gets tricked into via ‘She’s All That Style.’ I would have said ‘spoiler alert,’ but the title already gave away the whole movie.
5- When Secrets Kill (1997)- Lacey Chabert (Mean Girls/Party of Five) plays a girl who if I remember correctly is adopted, but as soon as her biological mom turns up dead after appearing in her life out of nowhere, chaos and high jinks ensue. It is a real ‘who done it’ full of twists, turns, and whiny voices.

Right now you are thinking one of two things. You are either think ‘wow, I remember some of these and they are awesome” or you are thinking ‘WOW, I really need to track these movies down.” Even those of you who loath these types of movies are jumping on one of those two bandwagons for there is no way you can deny the greatness of these movies. In fact, with the rerun season almost upon us, I bet everyone is going to tune into the lifetime movie network this summer trying to catch these classics.