State By State

There are people in this world that have really odd goals in life. One of the oddest goals I have ever heard of was a friend who wanted to have intimate relations with a girl in every state. Not specifically a different girl in every state, just in every state. His goal has inspired me to do one of my own. I am not one to steal someone else’s thunder, so my goal will be slightly different, and maybe even more difficult to accomplish. My goal is to have intimate relations with a girl named after every state. This means I don’t have to go through all the boring states like Nebraska, Maine and what not. I have come up with a couple rules, conditions, and guidelines for my goal. In no specific order:

1-First or last name count.
2-Stripper names DO NOT count, unless it is on their drivers license.
3-Always ID.
4-Fully knowing there is no one out there named New Hampshire, The word ‘new’ will be replaced by a virgin or someone under 20, but legal. Thus I just need to find a girl named Hampshire.
5-When it comes to directional states like North Dakota, the direction will be indicate by position. North means her on top, South her on the bottom and West means doggy style.
6-No girl can be used for more than one state, which means I need to find multiple Dakota’s and Carolinas.
7-In order to keep track I will buy one of those state sticker maps that you see on the back of Winnebagos and place it on the top of my Neon’s Trunk and fill in states as I go.

I understand on paper this sounds like a horrible thing, but we all need goals in life to motivate ourselves to reach new heights. This is mine. Could I have thought of a better one? Of course. Maybe someday I will have multiply goals, but that’s more of a dream of mine.