Problem Solving 101

In our lives we all encounter difficult problems that we have no idea how to solve. I have gone ahead and done you a massive favor and written down my secret fool proof 6 step plan to solving any problem, big or small… Your Welcome.

1- Hypotheticalize with friends and family- This is a great way to get input as well as save face. We have all done it, we have uttered the words, “So my friend’s friend accidentally ran over his girlfriend’s cat while he was house sitting, what should he do.” Maybe you haven’t uttered those exact words, but you get the idea. Chances are there are people that have been in this situation before and can help guide you out of it; I mean help guide your friend’s friend out of it.

2- Try duct tape- Solves more problems than you could ever imagine, although if you did run over your girlfriends cat, duct taping it back together, and setting it in the corner of the living room like nothing is wrong is probably not the greatest idea.

3-Deny and or Hide it- If you do not see that there is a problem does it actually exist? For example, you broke your arm and do not have health insurance. It is very easy just to duct tape your arm in place, take a bunch of aspirin and pretend that it didn’t happen.

4- Praying- Praying has been known to work on occasion, but usually only in life or death situations. Personally speaking, I don’t see God wasting his precious time fixing your older sister’s broken stilettos or bringing back your only wedding video that you accidentally recorded over with sorority sex kittens 5. Although it may bring your girlfriends cat back to life, for Jesus was kind of a big fan of doing stuff like that.

5- Drinking-Doesn’t actually solve the problem, but if done right, can cause you to black out and temporarily forget your problem. There is also the potential of solving the problem while thinking in a different state of mind. Although be warned, this step does have the potential to create bigger problems, by either not reaching the blackout stage, but instead you end up focusing on your problem or you might actually try to drunkenly solve your problem and compact the situation.

6-Make a bigger problem that over shadows your previous problem (The OJ Simpson)- For example, if you can’t figure out how to get out of a DWI or DUI, Go out and murder someone. You will find that your drinking and driving charge really isn’t that big of a problem anymore, hiding the body and/or preparing your defense is much more dire. Also, when people talk about you behind your back they will not be calling you a drunk. I have dubbed my sixth and final step in problem solving The OJ Simpson, due to him famously using it, to help America forget that he is a murderer, by becoming an OJ memorabilia thief.

If for some reason you follow all these steps and you still cannot solve the problem at hand, you have obviously come across the chicken or the egg dilemma and there is no actual solution. Sorry.