7 Steps to Getting Over Someone without Building a Bridge

Everyone gets there heartbroken at one time or another and has trouble recovering from it. People have many different techniques, solutions, and home remedies to deal with such pain. I have developed a 7 step processes which will help heal your wounds and move on.

1-Closure- Track down the one that broke your soul into 45 salty pieces and force them to explain their actions. Treat it like an exit interview. Dress nice, be polite, and thank them for everything. Make sure you get a nice list of reasons why it didn’t work out and things you could improve on in the future. This is not an easy thing to do, for you are either extremely bitter and/or extremely sad, so you are going to have to act. Your goal isn’t to make them feel horrible (that’s steps 5 and 6), just to get as much honest, constructive info about the reasons behind the dumping.

2-Rid your place of all reminders by way of fire- There are two ways to do this. You can either go the” mega bonfire” approach or watch each item burn individually. It all depends on how angry you are at the time. This is like welding the coffin shut, while cleansing your living area of reminders of that good for nothing ex, whose feet always smelled and actually liked Bon Jovi.

3- Immerse yourself in something else- you now have an ample slot of free time on your hands since losing the love of your life. So why not use that time to spend more time doing things you like, for example, hobbies, sports, playing video games, catching up with old friends or your Tivo. You also now have more than enough time to finally stalk that cute girl that works at the Starbucks around the corner.

4-Avoid all contact and interaction- This can be tough, but you don’t want to get the “creepy stalker” tag applied to you, for that will make step 6 more difficult. So stop driving by his/her house, calling her at 5am and hanging up and most of all following her around at the mall trying to make chance encounters. Also avoid his/her phone calls, little heads up; they are NOT calling to see if you want to get back together.

5- Work out/ make-over- Your new goal in life should not be to get him/her back, but to look as attractive as possible to attract a new mate. Then when you “accidentally” break step 4, you will plant a seed of “did I do the right thing? Person X is looking really good,” in their mind that has a chance to grow into a mighty oak tree of regret. This is basic mental warfare, and you must win the mind games to win the break-up.

6- Hook up with one of their friends- this is a double edged sword of great idea-ness. It will make your ex feel as distraught as you are/were, all while fulfilling moving on physically with another person. The main goal should be there best friend, but if that is not possible go for one of their lesser friends. Everyone has that one friend that would hook-up with their friends ex, it is just about being able to spot which one it is.

7-Release a bird from the pet store- At this point you have burned bridges to the point you could never have a functional relationship with the person that broke your heart, so you might as well do a symbolic gesture to your new freedom. Also if the fates would have it, that bird might one day poop on your ex’s car, guarantying you get the last laugh.

This program is pretty much flawless and I am willing to bet you cannot find a better one out there. Actually I dare you to try.