Alien Invasion 101

During my time of mind numbing work I tend to think of ‘what if’ situations to keep my mind nimble. They vary from the mundane, like what if someone pulls a knife on me at work, to the more interesting, what if a zombie attack occurs while on vacation in Nepal. There has always been one ‘what if’ scenario that I could never really realistically solve, which is the ‘what if an alien invasion took place?’ That was until last night. Seeing how the aliens would be of greater intelligence and most likely have superior weapons, we would have no place to hide or any chance to fight back, but I have come up with a way to guarantee my survival. I will try to seduce one of the aliens, for if the alien females are anything like the current homosapion female race, they will automatically friendzone me, making sure I will not be a slave or used as food. Instead I will be someone’s token human, much like how most attractive girls always have a homosexual as a good friend. Although I highly doubt I will have girl chats and shopping trips with my alien ‘sponsor’, I assume there will be some sort of language barrier and I have trouble with learning simple Spanish phrases. I am probably more likely to be shrunk down and carried around in her purse like a second generation spoiled kids little pet. I am sure I would get to meet plenty of new creatures at parties in a galaxy far far away and who doesn’t love being petted. Actually, I could name some people that don’t like being petted, but they would be the first killed off in an alien invasion.

I should stress I am not looking forward to an alien invasion, unless the aliens are zombies (fairly unlikely). One should always be prepared for just about any situation they should come across, especially the ones that are least likely to occur.